cunfoosed

confusion. i know i am far from intelligent, but dang i hate being so confused. the world around me is so confusing. is it just me?
i will never understand some things. i guess no one will. we can all make some educated guesses, but are they ever really proven to be true? neh. we are who we are. change is difficult, almost impossible. why do people want us to change so often, in so many ways? why do i want people to change? i respect other cultures greatly. almost more than my own. (wait, what is my culture?) yet some aspects of others' cultures will never make sense to me. i have always known this could happen. i hear about it all the time. when it hits "home," its harder. much harder. i am remembering that love often hurts.

whats this all about?

i just got off the phone with my senegalese friend in NJ. she is about to send her only child, khoudia (1 yr old), to senegal. many reasons. most of which i do actually understand. america is such a hard place for some people to live. the good 'ol american dream. a blessing to some and a curse to others. my friend and her husband work all the time, don't have much of anything, and never have time to spend with their daughter. sad. i truly love them. they want to send their daughter to live with her grandparents in yoff. they say she'll be happier. that she will forget them. in all, that it will be better. i am upset. i want with all of my might to be able to do something, anything to keep khoudia here, with her family, or to send all of them back together. khoudia will not just simply forget her mother and father. i have no doubt that her family in yoff will take great care of her. they will. they're awesome. it just hurts though. i cannot imagine being a mother and allowing your daughter to move away from you. aita and abdou are not cruel. they are doing what they know to be the best. it may be. but it hurts me. it hurts them. confused.

makes me think about God Above, sending His Son away, down to earth. it wasn't for a better life though. it was to die. for me. for you. for aita, abdou, and khoudia. for all. so that we can live. i want all to understand this sacrifice. its all about love.

love. even if it hurts.